Read this story (True But Sad Love)

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm. She said, "I miss you." I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home." She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine. I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go." Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat. Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!" Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go. She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this." With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face. She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore." I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"

I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?" I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself." She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.




soooooooooo, how's your feeling after read this story? mine is felt like DAMN, this story made me shivered.... and trust me, I read it without blinked even once and held my breath for awhile hahah...

My favourite colours

Hellaw everyone ! lo tau ? enggak lah.... hehe obat mata yang paling ngena di mata gw tuhh warna2 pastel, rainbow, blue sky, apalg warna2 yg berpadu sama DARK colour.... woooo itu semua warna mewakili mood...

• warna pastel tuh kalo mood lg happy lg funny gitu hahaapalg buat fashion woooow, hampir terobsesi sampai kadang gak tercapai buat dapetin baju or stuff like tat warna pastel -.-
• kalo rainbow moodnya lg agak moody, alias lg bete boring berasa kalo liat warna yg penuh rainbow alias warna warni tuh kayak ilang aja gitu betenya suasana berasa rainbow jugak eaaaaaak... 
• warna blue sky ato biru laut jugak kalo lg kesepian bnyk pikiran ato suasana2 termenunglah, coba deh lopada lg kesepian ato agak galau pergi ketempat yg bernuansa biru langit juga biru laut, pasti hati tenang tenteram dan berasa dapet suatu ispirasi walau ujung2nya gatau apa inspirasinya :P
• and warna yg berpadu sama dark tuuuuuh waaaaah. itu biasanya kalo lg agak punya amarah dan sesuatu yg pengen diungkapin lewat tuh warna..... yaaaah walau agak abstract sih jadinya hehe but whatever it is :D kayak warna2 galaxy, supernova and everything kinda that warnanya coool mamen... jadi kepingin jadi fotografer astronomi deh huhuhu...

Kebenaran ?

hey, ni hari gw belajar agama gitu dan yg pastinya ISLAM 
tema kita sebenarnya toleransi yg dasarnya kata guru gue dari surat Al-Kafirun.. dibilang seru sih enggak, tapi bikin penasaran setiap kata2 yg dia bilang kayak ada lanjutan yg lebih dalam yg bikin gw penasaran bngt.
trus tadi juga berlanjut ke masalah kebenaran. Apa itu kebenaran?
yeah, kebenaran itu adalah segala sesuatu yg telah terbukti kenyataannya, emng sih semua orang jugak tau, tapi kalo emng semua orng tau, kenapa pas temen gw ditanyain satu pun gak ada yg bisa jawab sebelum dijelasin? karna itu, lo belom tau sebenarnya tapi sok tau :P
oke , kebenaran itu milik siape? kita semua, ya bener sih tp kyknya lebih tepatnya milik Allah SWT karna kalo kata temen gw yg lg dihukum pas ditanya kenpa itu milik ALLAH? dia bilang "karena Maha Benar Allah dengan segala firman-Nya" , guru gue bilang "bagus, kamu boleh kembali ketempat duduk....... walau salah jawabanmu" hahahha.. ya sebenrnya emng bener sih cuman karna penyampaianny kurang lengkap doang...
kebenaran milik Allah karena semua yg dia ciptakan itu nyata, dan terbukti.... dan apapun yg Ia suruh apabila kita lakukan maka benarlah kita, dan jika yg Ia larang kita lakukan maka salahlah kita....
makanyaaaa lopada yg merasa Islam, bertaubatlah mulai sekarang sebelum terlambat, dari yang ringan2 aje dulu... mulailah memakai jilbab dan sebangsa2 itulaaah dimulai dari situ aja dulu diangsur2....
hehe....
guru gw juga bilang, orang mukmin tuh orang yg selalu menerima dengan sabar segala cobaan yg diberikan Allah baik itu bisa diatasi maupun tidak, tapi mustahil gak bisa diatasi, karena Allah tidak pernah memberikan cobaan kepada hamba-Nya diluar batas kemampuan untuk menyelesaikannya dan orang zalim itu orng yg selalu pasrah dan melaruti masalah/musibah yg menimpa pada dirinya, contohnya
salah satu keluarga kaliann ada yg meninggal, kalau orng mukmin menerimanya dengan ikhlas walau sedih , tetap menangis tetapi hanya menangis sekedarnya karna ia mempunyai pegangan yaitu Allah, ia percaya manusia diciptakan dan kembalikan hanya kepada Allah, tetapi orang zalim... ia akan menangisi hal tersebut sampai berlarut2 karena ia belum sepenuhnya berpegangan kepada Allah, bahkan ada orang yg sampai menjadi stress, depresi, gila, saudara2 itulah...

maknya buat orang yg suka galaaaaaaaaau, ingatlah bahwa sesuatu yg datang dan pergi dari kita itu semua kehendak Allah, buat orang yg putus cinta, jangan galau2 lagi, galaunya sekedarnya aja.... kalian pasti dapet yg terbaik dari Allah.... maka perbanyak lah mengadu kepada-Nya, curhat sama gw juga boleeeh kalo mau :P.

gw pengalaman, gw juga pernah putus cinta dan itu rasanya depresi bangeeeeet.... gw juga sempet berlarut dalam kesedihan tapi alhamdulillah gw sedih gak selama seperti ibu yang mengandung 9 bulan, gw ngerasa apa yg datang dan pergi dari gw pasti itu semua yg terbaik buat gw.... and I choose to say "SAY NO TO GALAU" siiiiiiiiip?? :* 

--Berpedomanlah segala sesuatu hanya kepada Allah swt maka anda akan mendapatkan inspirasi hidup yang lebih membangun kita dari segala sesuatu....

Overwhelmed

Heeya , it was me... Im done... done with him.. Ijust dont wanna share everything here cos I have another site which is more deserve to hear my lovestory or about my feelings...
everything is done, the sweetest thing I've done to him became nothing, he didn't respect it he didn't even know how I feel...
He left me behind without saying goodbye... but just by choosing between two things that I gave it to him. and I shouldn't mention that I thought
and I feel like those day is the worst day ever, it hurts me so much... I've been waiting him for along time but doest it real that I just got nothing?
NO ! I didn't . I got a lesson, there's much lesson that I should learn
Ya know wat... I still keep on going, keep on give my heart to him, and still dream about him. I want him to be my future and there will be miracle I believe it even atleast I don't get it but it doesnt matter...
Atleast I've tried so hard to make it so real... I don't care what everybody said , I don't care what he said to me. I don't care if he already moved on or something like tat..
All I wanna do just do this favourite things... keep on going to you
I don't know what kind of girl i am... maybe I shouldn't do this. but God controlls it and I can't handle it..
I'll always pray what's best for me and I believe everything I do is what I love...
even I feel so overwhelmed of all of this but I will fight fight keep on fight for him... Overwhelmed isn't the end of a girl's sacrifice...... so for everyone I just wanna say that don't get break so easily cos all you have to do is just believe in yourself that everything that you striving for will make you ecstatic more than you can imagine... just be positive thinking... we all have God. God always hears our pray... The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.
  just don't hope nothing from nothing... but hope everything from something

Dygta - Karna Ku Sayang Kamu

Seandainya, kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu, yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah, berpaling darimu
Walau kini, kau jauh dariku
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu
Hati ini, selalu memanggil namamu
Dengarlah melatiku
Ku berjanji, hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yg lain
Adakah rindu di hatimu
[ Kerna Ku Sayang Kamu lyrics found on http://lyrics.my ]
Seperti rindu yang kurasa
Sanggupkah kuterus terlena
Tanpamu disisiku, ku kan slalu menantimu
Seandainya, kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu, yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah, berpaling darimu
Walau kini, kau jauh dariku
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu
Kan slalu kunanti
Karna ku sayang kamu

Elisa - Dancing Lyric

 just feel like Im dancing with him with this song , we dancing but poor me, it was just in my dream it wouldn't happen.... cos we are done :(

"Dancing"

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
the depth of life will dim
my temptation to live for you

if I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
‘cause it's all about love and I know better
how life is a waving feather

so I put my arms around you, around you
and I know that I'll be leaving soon
my eyes are on you, they're on you
and you see that I can't stop shaking

no I won't step back
but I'll look down to hide from eyes
‘cause what I feel is so sweet
and I'm scared that even my own breath
oh, could burst it, if it were a bubble
and I'd better dream if I have to struggle

so I put my arms around you, around you
and I hope that I will do no wrong
my eyes are on you, they're on you
and I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room
as if I was in the woods with you
don't need for anything but music
music's the reason why I know time still exists
time still exists
time still exists
time still exists

so I just put my arms around you, around you
and I hope that I will do no wrong
my eyes are on you, they're on you
and I hope that you won't hurt me

my arms around you, they're round you
and I hope that I will do no wrong
my eyes are on you, they're on you, they're on you
my eyes…

here the song
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pleERDJXcoQI

Bella Thorne

YEAH do you know her? the disney artist, she looks just so perfeeeect. I don't know her so well but I just know a little bit about her song list but I don't really like them tat much. I just love her face hehehe...
look at her, just so perfect, I wish I could meet her and see her real face... Bella Thorne I hope you hear my whisper that I want to meet you

I wanna watch it

oh yea, he shared to me some movies and I envy to him cos he had so much movies, I wanna watch it :( I know this movies are old but whatever it is....